In Depression Cookies, Krista is a teenager navigating the perils of teenage life and circumstances out of her control. I started writing this book as a new mom and found it difficult at times to make sure Krista's voice was free of mother thoughts.
An excerpt (during a particularly rough teenage moment):
"I was surviving, nothing more and
nothing less. This in itself was a small victory. There were many times I felt
like nothing special. Have you ever realized it was not the same old robin or
mourning dove that caught your eye while you were staring out the window?
Usually, it took the brilliance of a blue jay or the sound of a red-headed
woodpecker to draw your attention. The other birds flew in and out of our lives
with no effect, not even a conscious awareness of their existence. I was
starting to view my life this way . . . a small ripple in one heck of an ocean.
If nobody remembers you when you’re gone, did you ever really exist?"
Funny how I still struggle with these thoughts and how often I feel like I'm surviving day to day. I say to myself, "If I can get through Tuesday, I'll do something fun." But the commitments and responsibilities just keep on coming. The closer I get to my 40th birthday, 288 days (not that I'm counting), the more frantic I feel about defining myself and embracing life's moments. I thought I'd have it all figured out by now. I don't.
I worry sometimes about letting my more adult thoughts creep into Krista's voice. Mom and I are now writing the follow-up to Depression Cookies which has Krista heading off to college. Krista's voice needs to mature, but to what end? Other than language and a slightly increased ability to reason, and the second increases in very small increments with age, I've come to the realization that our fears and worries don't change a lot as we get older. Actually, the more knowledge and experience we gain, the scarier and more confusing things become.
Please tell me I'm not the only person who feels this way. Do you think your voice has changed much since your teenage/young adult years? How so?
Thanks in advance for comments. We'll call it research for the new novel, but I'm looking forward to the answers on a personal level, too. As hard as it is to question, I don't want to ever think I have all the answers.