April 18, 2012

Splitting: ROW80 Check In

Yesterday I attended a middle school parent meeting focusing on anxiety in adolescents. I sat directly across from the professional leading the discussion.

She began by identifying a growing problem in young kids, something she called splitting. These children are perfectionists, so they only see things as perfect or failure. Either they get a 100% on a test, or they've failed. Fear of this failure can start to rule their everyday lives.

I sat there, trying to take it all in. But what I was really doing... desperately trying to calm my mind on several levels. One, I constantly struggle with what my kids need from me as parent. Two, I struggle with what I need from myself to feel worthwhile and successful.

I'm quite the perfectionist. Loads of encouraging comments register, but one negative or scathing input will take over my mind. I need to work on that and not just for my children, but for my writing. Self-doubt is one thing, it happens to us all in varying degrees. (If it doesn't happen to you, please leave you name and number in the comment section, so I can call and pick your brain.)

Perfection can never be achieved, and who would want it? If we were all perfect, where would all the interesting stories we write about come from? They are called character flaws for a reason.

I must say, I'm constantly amazed how much I learn about myself while I'm trying to raise my children.

My ROW80 Update

Writing: All kinds of writing for A to Z, none for me. I need to get my head in the game and focus. Yes, life has been throwing me curve balls, but I just need to focus and swing at them. Can't win the game if you don't swing.

Editing: Took a step back for a few days after finishing my huge project. I have some beta reading and other editing work to do and will get back to it tomorrow.

Blogging: Still loving A to Z. This week: Networking = N, Onomatopoeia = O, and Picking and Piddling = P (thanks for that one, Mom). Plus, I posted a review on Mom in Love with Fiction.

Social Media: Doing my best to get around and comment.

Reading: I've read 20 books toward my 52-book goal!

Exercise: Running is going so well. It's finally clicking. I just wish it didn't make me so freaking hungry (and I wish my husband didn't make the best darned chocolate chip cookies around!).

Hope everyone is doing well. Check out fellow ROW80 participants here.


Lauren Garafalo said...

I have perfectionist tendencies that are sometimes crippling as well. You just gotta work through it, and we all know you're capable of that. Glad running is going so well, and I hope some writing time opens up for you soon. Have a good rest of the week :)

Belle DiMonte said...

Good luck with the rest of your goals - congrats on your running/reading achievements! Wish I could find the time to read that many books. :)

Keep up the hard work!

Eloise said...

A comment on splitting. I grew up thinking this way. Everything had to be perfect or I failed. My parents' response to my efforts didn't help much; I only got positive responses when I got A's, for example. B's got lukewarm responses, and it was downhill from there. It's a terrible burden for a child, and it can carry over to adulthood.

A note on the "freaking hungry" - protein, and lots of it!

Marie Anne said...

I'm a perfectionist about some things, but not so on others. I'm not sure if it's a perfect balance, but it's who I am.

Stopping by from the A-Z Challenge, blogging at Write, Wrong or Indifferent.

Tia Bach said...

Lauren, I need to do some ROW80 sprints. I'm going to add it to my calendar for early next week.

Belle, I find time to read, now if I could only find time to sleep. ;-)

Eloise, Yes, more protein. I know. I just crave carbs after. Splitting is truly a heavy thing. I'm working on the perfectionism stuff, and hoping my kids will see me doing it.

Marie Anne, I think it's all about balance. I know my cleaning habits aren't perfectionist-based. ;-)