My Mind: The Gift I Lost

Today's NaBloPoMo prompt: What gift do you regret losing?

My mind. What a wonderful gift each of us is given. Yet, I lost mine. I know I had it before the first child, but my job was hiding it from me on occasion. By the second child, 20 months after the first, I was losing it for days at a time but usually found it before much damage was done.

My third child was born in April 2005. Three weeks later, my oldest child turned five. I'm pretty sure I still had my wits about me then. The rest is a fog. A fog of happiness, sleep deprivation, limited shower time, way too much McDonalds, liquids I don't care to ever experience again, etc.

Funny, I thought if I survived the crazy baby years I'd find my mind again. I'm constantly putting things in the spot that seems most logical at the time. Later, after lots of searching, I find it and remember my reasoning for placing it there. Surely, the same would be true of my mind.

Slight problem. Parenting only gets harder. Anything worth doing, and I truly believe this, is worth doing well. Same is true for parenting. In some ways, my children's needs have become more manageable. In other ways, my role has become harder. The mistakes I make are more glaring. They are old enough to see what I do, and not just do what I say. Darn it. It's so much easier to know what other people should be doing than yourself.

But, maybe it's all good. If I had too much of my mind firmly in place, I might be in a constant state of panic and terror. That wouldn't help anyone. Or, maybe I lost my pre-kid mind. The one that could only handle one task at a time and needed peace and quiet to do that. My new mind is one that functions even when pushed beyond all reason and sanity. One that deals with the person on the phone while pouring drinks and checking homework.

Still, if you find a mind that isn't yours, please let me know. It might be mine.

*****

Don't forget to visit the 12 Days of Christmas Reading Gift List. Today is Day 3. Find out more about today's giveaway, Open Me by Reina Stone, here.

Left and Right Distractions: ROW80 Check In

I think my work has to do with a sense that we are attempting, all the time, to create a logical, rational path through the day. To the left and right there are an amazing set of distractions that we usually can’t afford to follow. But the poet is will to stop anywhere . . . And it’s that willingness to slow down and examine the mysterious bits of fluff in our lives that is the poet’s interest. William Collins

Distractions can be fun, and the fun ones do make me a better person as well as a better writer. It’s the other distractions that overload my brain and put a stranglehold on my creativity.

Decorating the Christmas tree, watching Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, and making cookies for my daughters cookie swim meet are the wonderful distractions. I enjoyed each one, and never thought for a moment that I should be anywhere else.

The evil dust bunnies hiding in all areas of my house, laundry that keeps coming back like a bad dream, and monitoring homework for three kids are the distractions I could do without. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Seriously, I do much more homework now than I ever did when I was actually in school.

My older girls have had several papers due lately, and they know Mom’s a sucker for taking their sweet thoughts and making them purr. I don’t rewrite them, but I show them the way… little Mommy nudges in the right direction.

As the craziness of the holidays intensifies, the distractions will only get more and more tempting. I have no intention of turning away from the special moments, memories and family are too important. But I might have to let some dust bunnies live to see another day.

*****

ROW80 update

Writing: The distractions have simply been too great. Plus, I have some end of year editing deadlines I need to meet. When I wear my editing hat too much, I find it hard to write because I edit the whole time I'm writing. It doesn’t flow, constantly stunted by my need to fix it. My goal this week is to write a chapter on our Depression Cookies follow up. Just one chapter. I'm challenging myself to write until it's done without one single edit.

Blogging: I’m so enjoying writing about gifts, this month's NaBloPoMo theme. It’s a nice reminder what this time of year is really about. And I have two reviews for Mom in Love with Fiction coming up. One 4 star and one 5 star. Not a bad reading week.

Miscellaneous: Editing is going well and leading to more freelance jobs. I’ve been wanting to get into this for years, so it’s exciting. Now I’m really considering looking into a MFA in Creative Writing program. Thoughts?

Exercise: Doing great. I’m hoping if I keep it amped up, I can indulge a bit over the holidays.

*****

Don't forget... from December 10 through December 22, fellow ROW80-ers J.R. Pearse Nelson and Nadja Notariani are hosting the 12 Days of Christmas Reading Gift List on her blog, An Author’s Adventures. A new title will be featured each day, so be sure to visit all twelve days.

Our novel, Depression Cookies, will be the featured book giveaway on December 20th.

Wipeout: The Gift of Togetherness

Laughing and being together. It's what the holidays are all about. Last night, my middle daughter and I walked in around 8pm, finally done with swim practice and a week's worth of commitments. Then what to my wondering eyes should appear, but my other two daughters and husband watching Wipeout episodes and laughing hysterically.

Luckily for us, it was a marathon. We sat for two episodes and laughed and enjoyed each other. The Christmas tree was shining in the corner. It seemed silly to be bonding over people falling down and smashing into things. But it was bonding nonetheless.

In July, I posted about laughter being the best medicine. I'm re-running it today in the spirit of Christmas and bonding.

*****

Laughter is often the best medicine, and it fills my tub. In our "The Balancing Act" interview, host Danielle Knox asked why we incorporated so much humor in our book. If you haven't seen our interview yet, you can follow the link on the left side of our blog.

My answer:
Humor is a gift. My dad gave us many things growing up, but I always say one of his greatest blessings was humor. It's medicinal. Too often we focus on what burdens us, what makes us tired and frustrated, instead of embracing the joy of life. My favorite memories as a kid are laughing ... and that's true now with my husband and three daughters ... sometimes laughter's just the best medicine.

Humor is also a shield and a saving grace. Why do you think parents tickle kids when they are sad? Why are comedians often from tragic upbringings? When one of my kids comes home sad or hurt, one of the first things we will do is put on music and dance. Maybe we would all benefit from a good dance class, because we usually end up laughing. A plate of warm chocolate chips cookies goes a long way, too.

I rarely tell a poignant story without throwing in some humor (often sarcasm and wit are my tools). Sadness without laughter is empty and painful. We all have sad moments in our lives, but dwelling on the pain will bring nothing. The ability to laugh at yourself and with others is a treasure. If a writer can make me laugh for one page, I can better endure and appreciate one hundred pages of sadness and misfortune.

This quote says it well:

"A sense of humor... is needed armor. Joy in one's heart and some laughter on one's lips is a sign that the person down deep has a pretty good grasp of life." Hugh Sidey

Check out our humor by visiting these past posts:

* What Not to Do During a Television Interview

* Friday Feature: About Menopots

For fun, here's a video of my youngest, Maddie (now 6), and her first taste of baby food. This always makes me laugh:

The Land of Lost Toys

Today's NaBloPoMo prompt: What gift do you regret breaking?

Growing up surrounded by moving boxes, our toys were constantly breaking through no fault of our own. I remember lots of tears as I unwrapped treasures from boxes. When all the paper came out, broken pieces rattled at the bottom of the box often caught in the flaps of taped box ends.

I collected unicorns when I was younger. I had everything from a unicorn lamp to delicate glass blown figurines. The only item from my collection I still own... a unicorn stuffed animal. It's perched on my daughter's bed, happy to have made it through countless moves while all her friends met untimely ends.

One of my daughters precious unicorns

A more recent tragedy of the dreaded moving boxes... my husband's telescope. He wanted one for a long time, and it sat proudly in his office. Did he gaze at the stars nightly? No, but he was excited to show the girls when they got old enough. Unfortunately it was broken during a move. Worse than that, we didn't realize it for awhile, so it was too late to claim it and replace it. We still haven't. It's on a long list titled, "One of These Days."

Moving created the land of the lost toys for me as a kid, and now for my family. But we try to love the heck out of things when we have them. Now that my daughter has started her own unicorn collection, I have hot glue ready to make sure it stays around for years of memories.

Do you remember a favorite lost toy?

*****

For the moms out there, I have to share this story because I know you'll appreciate it. As soon as I wrote the piece above about my one surviving unicorn, I went upstairs to take a picture of it for the blog. One hour later I had a laundry basket full of dirty clothes, leftover cups, a Target bag filled with trash, and three broken toys. But no unicorn picture.

I swear I just saw the thing sitting on my daughter's bed. Either I haven't cleaned her room in way too long (sadly, this could be the case), or she's rearranged and Lord only knows where it is.

Still, this is why I don't get done as much as I would like on any given day. Distractions!

The Gift of Brownies: National Brownie Day

Since the theme for my posts this month is gifts, I was thrilled to learn that December 8th is National Brownie Day. Sugar is my downfall, but few things beat a fudgy, right out of the oven brownie. I don't need ice cream or anything else to accompany it. Don't even need a plate.

What's my favorite recipe? Whichever box is on sale. I've tried homemade recipes, but it's a lot of effort and the various box options bring me enough joy. I like them fudgy, not cake-like. If I want cake, I'll make a cake. And no nuts, please. If I want crunchy, I'll grab a bag of potato chips.

I prefer brownies right out of the oven, still gooey. My mom loves the new brownie pans that create crunchier edges for each brownie. Not me, I like the middle brownie the best!

Brownies are a simple but enjoyable gift in my life. It's a rare day when a brownie can't put a smile back on my face. Even better... one of my children bringing me a brownie and giving me a hug. Or, a brownie, a good book, and a hot bath. I may just move that wish to the top of my Christmas list.

What simple thing puts a smile on your face?

Strange Wishes: ROW80 Check In

Today's NaBloPoMo prompt: What was the strangest thing that ever made your gift wish list?

I don't consider my request strange, but year after year my husband scoffs at it, and I've yet to receive it. My simple request, the gift of delusion. Not to the degree I firmly believe I've been abducted by aliens and parts of my brain have been altered. No, just a mild case of delusion. The unshakable belief that I can do anything I set my mind to would suffice.

This gift would also benefit my writing. We ask readers to suspend disbelief for our tales, so what a gift it would be if I could better embrace "false beliefs held with absolute conviction despite superior evidence."

In my personal life, I could use this gift to cloud the lens of reality. My children and husband would be perfect, I would never be wrong, and my house would always be clean. Perfect, right? No, I wouldn't want to use delusion that way. Well, except for maybe the clean house part. There's nothing interesting about perfection. True love is loving someone despite his/her flaws, not in the absence of them. Who wouldn't love something that was perfect?

Some people seem to possess the gift of delusion and use it willy-nilly or for selfish or nefarious purposes. I want to specify that my gift of delusion could only be used for good, to create a shield to protect myself and those I love and to allow me the confidence to try new things.

Alas, it's a gift I'll have to give myself. Through hard work and perseverance, I hope to find greater confidence and acceptance instead of delusion. As far as shielding my family, I can't imagine something stronger than a mother's love.

Do you have a similarly difficult or strange gift request?

*****

What, you might ask, does this gift request have to do with my A Round of Words in 80 Days check in?

One, I need to work on my creative confidence. Two, my new novel concept is a challenge. I'm veering away from easier material to really stretch myself. Plus, my main character is suffering from a severe mental delusion, so I need to embrace the idea that people can convince themselves of anything.

That's pretty much my check in. A big struggle with my work. I am using the note card planning method, and it's helping. Still, I seem to end up with a lot of note cards with questions and research issues on them. Things like, "what would motivate a character to do xxx?" and the need to find a psychiatrist to talk to about true mental delusions. Not for me, for my character. Wait, I wonder if they'll believe that I'm a writer working on a piece. Hmmmm.

I'll admit to being overwhelmed by the season. As much as I love the holidays, I am juggling so many things right now. It took me two hours today to write our Christmas letter. Why? I wanted to stretch myself and write a poem using Twas the Night Before Christmas as a starting point. I like how it turned out, but it would have been so much easier to sign our names to a pretty card.

Other updates

Blogging: On goal for both blogs. Yeah! I've even pre-written some posts for my busier days this month. Still catching up on blog reading, but finding a better rhythm. Google Reader is overwhelming now that I'm following so many blogs. Any suggestions on how to manage it?

Miscellaneous: Just finished a wonderful book, review soon to follow (on Mom in Love with Fiction). Plus I joined the 2012 To Be Read (TBR) Pile Challenge. I'm looking forward to finally reading some great books I bought ages ago.

Exercise: Doing pretty well. I'm missing the warmer weather. It's so much easier to go for a run outside than to plan to go to the gym. Still avoiding sugar, but I have several events coming up where this will be a huge challenge.

Hope all my writer and reader friends are enjoying the craziness of the holiday season!

Our Own Christmas World

Memories are fleeting and traditions are a wonderful way to remember the good times. I might not remember all the wonderful moments of growing up, but I remember the traditions. This is especially true of the holidays.

When I started my own family, my husband and I took the best parts of our traditions and created new ones. This is how we ended up with two Christmas trees every year, one real and one fake.

Another tradition we created for our family… one evening the week before Christmas, we get in the car, crank up the Christmas music, and head to our favorite place to eat. After dinner, we ride around and look at Christmas lights until it’s time to head home for bed, Christmas music blaring the whole time. We always come prepared with comfortable clothes and blankets.

We have fun singing and talking about the best lights we’ve ever seen. This reminiscing inevitably leads to talking about all our favorite holiday memories. Sometimes we’ll even stop for hot cocoa and treats before doing one last round of lights.

When I asked my daughter about her favorite part of this tradition, she said, “We are all together in our own little Christmas world.” Every year we seem to find a new favorite Christmas lights display. Knowing my kids look forward to it each year brings me such joy. I hope they’ll always remember riding around, singing, and being with their family.

What’s your favorite Christmas tradition?

*****

From December 10 through December 22, Nadja Notariani is hosting the 12 Days of Christmas Reading Gift List on her blog, An Author’s Adventures. A new title will be featured each day, so be sure to visit all twelve days.

Our novel, Depression Cookies, will be one of the featured books/giveaways! Stay tuned!