May 6, 2011

Favorite Thing I Read this Week and Why: New Friday Feature

I'm so excited about our new Friday feature inspired by all the lovely folks at the Blogathon. Please check out some of the wonderful bloggers at Blogathon Blogroll.

As a writer and reader, I always read something memorable every week, so why not showcase it here?

This week my favorite is a poem by Tina Fey. It's perfect for heading into the Mother's Day weekend.

A Mother’s Prayer for Its Child by Tina Fey

First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.

May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Beauty.

When the Crystal Meth is offered, may she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half And stick with Beer.

Guide her, protect her when crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock ‘N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.

Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance. Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes And not have to wear high heels. What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You, because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit.

May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.

Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen.Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, For childhood is short – a Tiger Flower blooming Magenta for one day – And adulthood is long and dry-humping in cars will wait.

O Lord, break the Internet forever, that she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.
And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister, Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, For I will not have that Shit. I will not have it.

And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back. “My mother did this for me once,” she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck. “My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental Note to call me. And she will forget. But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.

-Tina Fey

Humor is a key ingredient to raising children (and life in general in my opinion), and Tina Fey expertly illustrates this with her hilarious poem featured in her book Bossypants. We all want so much for our children, but sometimes too much of a good thing like texting, the internet, Facebook, beauty, money, etc. can destroy. Often in life the unanswered prayers are dearest.

Mom and I will be writing a blog post on Saturday, May 15 celebrating the idea of humor and wishes. We will each detail our prayer for Jackie, my oldest daughter and my mom's oldest grand-daughter. Please tune in.

Also, as a shout-out to my fellow Blogathon participants, I wanted to highlight the blog I've enjoyed the most this week (although it was VERY hard to choose). Please stop by and read Liz Sheffield's Motherlogue.

Happy Mother's Day to all!


Kristi's Book Nook said...

This is a great post. Tina Fey is a funny lady.

Babette said...

Loved Bossypants, LOVED LOVED LOVED her prayer...because it is mine, too.

Tia Bach said...

Thanks Kristi and Babette. I'm thinking of putting this on my frig to get me through my less-inspiring Mommy moments!

Tammy Ellingson said...

Oh my - this is fantastically funny! What a great idea for a weekly posting feature.

I especially appreciated your comment about "unanswered prayers" - good reminder!

Love your blog ladies!

Anonymous said...

I read this somewhere, too, Tia and loved it! Good to see it again. I bought the book for a good friend whose birthday was on May 1. I'm eager to see what else is in the book at some point! Yes to humor in parenting - I couldn't make it without it! And, thank you so much for your generous comments about Motherlogue. I really appreciate it. (Happy Mother's Day!)

Tia Bach said...

Thanks for the support, ladies. I'm learning so much from all of you, and it is especially heartwarming to have your comments here.

bookworm said...

That is my prayer too, especially now that my son is 21 and living on his own, in a trailer about 20 minutes from us. I think the early 20's can be a much more dangerous time than teenagerhood in some ways...I am still holding my breath.

Tia Bach said...

I know my mom still spends sleepless nights worrying about me, so I figure that will never stop!