June 3, 2015

No Matter What You Do : #IWSG

The Insecure Writer's Support Group (or IWSG) is a wonderful group put together by the amazing Alex J. Cavanaugh (which now has an equally cool Facebook group). 

The first Wednesday of each month is the perfect opportunity to share my insecurities on the #IWSG therapy couch, get encouragement and support about such insecurities, and to read how other writers are faring.

I just read an article about Why 20% of People Will Never Like You

A snippet from the article:
The Pareto Principle, also known as the 80/20 rule, was proposed by Vilfredo Pareto, an Italian economist who noticed that statistics rarely broke down into even 50/50 dynamics. Instead, they more often broke down into 80/20 categories.  
What he proposed is something like this: 
About 80% of your health problems are likely being caused by only 20% of what you eat. Or 80% of your companies profit is coming from 20% of its products. Or 80% of your relational frustrations are being caused by 20% of your relationships.
The author of the article then went on to say that no matter what you do 20% of people will not like you. No matter what. I really needed to hear this. Too often, I spend precious time trying to please the naysayers. Even worse, I worry about why certain people don't connect with me.

Sometimes the 20% are louder, so it seems like a larger group. Plus, negativity always drags me down quicker than positivity can keep me afloat. That's a shame, and something I need to change, especially since insecurity feeds off those 20%. 

So, today, focus on the amazing people in your life who support you and put a smile on your face. For the rest, remember that you simply can't make everyone happy. No. Matter. What. You. Do.

What do you think of this theory?


Charity Bradford said...

That's interesting. It does feel like more than 20% sometimes doesn't it. Thanks for the reminder to concentrate on the positive 80% that do like us.

emaginette said...

I don't attempt to please everyone, so I had to accept that not everyone would like my work. Now I've had to work hard in some cases, but I've always got along with others. Now like someone or have them like me, I've never thought too much about it.

Here's my link if you'd like to drop by :-)

Anna from Elements of Writing

Jenni said...

I've heard this theory in connection with other things, like work, but never in connection to how many people will like you. But that's so important to remember as a writer. There's so many people to please (your crit partners, editors, agents, your readers), that it's easy to start writing for them instead of for yourself and lose your vision. You need to keep your audience in mind, but writing for other people is a losing battle.

L.P. Hernandez said...

I've also heard the theory connected to business/workplace principles, but I appreciate your interpretation of it here. Thanks for the confidence boost!

Jo Michaels said...

Yup. Hey, at least it's only 20%. ;) hehehhehehe

But we all loves you, and we count for more than 80%, so... BOOM.

Mary Aalgaard said...

20 percent, huh. I was hoping 99% would connect with me! Silly. Good point. We're all different. I'll hang out with the ones who connect and support. They're terrific.
Play off the Page

Michael Di Gesu said...

Hi, Tia,

SO true.... you certainly can't please everyone. I live in a city where the people are just so miserable all the time and no matter how kind and polite I am to them, they just ignore the gesture or just plain don't see it. Sad really. And their negativity is a TOTAL downer to me.

I've lived in Chicago of eleven years and I can't WAIT to get out of here. I've had enough and plan to move to a sunnier and HAPPIER place.

I just dropped in from Alex's list to say HI! Nice to meet you and I hope you have a wonderful weekend.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

I buy that. Like eighty percent of the work is done by twenty percent of the people.
So twenty percent won't connect with us? That is good to know. And you're right, most of them are negative anyway. Why would we want to connect?

Marie Andreas said...

It is so good to hear that! I am often trying to figure out why someone doesn't like me, or if they did but now changed their mind, etc. Hearing that it's going to happen anyway makes me feel better! :)

Thank you!

VR Barkowski said...

Whether the theory is correct or not, focusing on the extraordinary people who support and encourage us is brilliant advice. We shouldn’t treat life as if it were Twitter or Facebook, obsessed with acquiring more followers or likes.

VR Barkowski