Gifts: Waiting and Willpower Not my Strong Suit

I'm a kid at heart, and nothing brings that out in me as much as the holidays. I don't like surprises and have no willpower, so it should not come as a shock that waiting until Christmas day to open presents is difficult for me.

This has only become worse as an adult. I know, I'm supposed to be more mature. Problem with getting older . . . I have gained the knowledge necessary to justify my impatient actions. Each time I was pregnant, I was chomping at the bit to know the sex of my baby. My husband could have waited until the birth, but not me. I had to know. It was still a surprise, just a quicker one.

My family has learned not to send my Christmas gifts early. Instead of just shaking the package or ripping a small corner to figure out my gift, sometimes I'll just open it. I'm an adult. Who says I have to wait until Christmas or my birthday? It makes my family crazy, so they cut it so close with my presents now that sometimes they are late.

Don't worry. I don't let my kids peek. But I do peek at gifts people send my kids. I don't know why. It's a bit of a sickness.

For our 15th wedding anniversary, my husband wanted to surprise me with a trip. After I asked a zillion questions, he finally told me. It was a wonderful trip to Costa Rica, made no less special because I knew in advance.

My sister, Dana, even holds birthday cards to open on her birthday. Forget it. I'd walk by those cards a couple of times and it'd be all over. So I just open them as they come in. This way I spread the pleasure over several days.

Do you like surprises? Does it bother you to have gifts sitting around for weeks? For the moms out there, did you find out the sex of your baby before delivery?

Please tell me I'm not the only grown woman who can't bear to wait for fun stuff!

Tis the Season: ROW 80 Check In

Tis the season to make lists, check them twice, try to figure out who's been naughty and nice, decorate the house, wrap the presents, make many sweets, and spend time with family. What it has clearly NOT been the season for . . . getting writing done.

I have good intentions and lofty ambitions. Maybe it's all the sparkling lights around me. I'm just too easily distracted. My parents came in this week to celebrate an early Christmas and my dad's 62nd birthday. If you missed yesterday's post from him, please check it out here. He passes on some wonderful wisdom.

I wrote posts ahead of their visit and edited once everyone went to bed and into the wee hours of the morning. But I did all of this so I could enjoy my family time. Mom and Dad left this morning, after we made many wonderful memories and way too many sweets. Today was going to be my catch up day.

Someone please remind me weekly . . . I should never bank on Sundays for catching up, because clearly my children have the same plan. Today, I helped catch up my sixth grader on unknown equations, my fourth grader on a surprise teepee building expedition ("I forgot" is how that started), and my first grader with the three books she needed to read. By the time all of this catching up was done, good old Mom was left sitting at her computer at 8:30pm writing this post.

Guess who is catching up tomorrow, and Tuesday, and Wednesday, and . . .

*****

So, really this is my ROW80 update. Little else to say. I did finish the initial edit of my nonfiction editing job. It was a huge challenge, but I'm happy with my work. It is now back in the author's hand. Now I need to turn my attention to two other editing jobs and my own writing.

Reading was pathetic this week. I didn't even get around to many ROW80 updates. Something I'm going to remedy tonight. This Wednesday, the last ROW80 check in for this year!, I'm going to respond to all the linkys. I like to do that at the end of each round. I did post daily here, but only due to sheer determination and my NaBloPoMo commitment. Mom in Love with Fiction only saw two posts this week.

Exercise and sugar . . . dare I even mention those? Mom made Oreo truffles, cake, Ritz crackers covered in chocolate, chocolate dipped pretzels, and I made sugar cookies for neighbors. Let's just say I licked my fingers way too much. I'll get back on the wagon this week, and then fall off Christmas Eve and Christmas day.

I hope my ROW80 writer friends have been able to look past the sugar and twinkling lights better than I have. I still have until Wednesday to show some progress . . . that's my goal. Some editing and writing progress. It's vague, but it is year-end.

Watch out for me in Round 1 2012. I plan to start strong out of the gate and sprint to the finish!

Triple Whammy Gifting: Guest Post by My Dad, Dallas Silverthorne

Today is my Dad's 62nd birthday. To celebrate the occasion, I asked him to write a blog post about his most memorable gift. I know, I'm a sweet daughter... what can I say?

Enjoy!

*****

Tia asked me if I’d send her a blog post based on what I thought was one of the many gifts I had ever received that stood out as impressionable. Admittedly, she had to explain what a blog post was. But I agreed.

The list was numerous, from childhood memories of simple, country Christmases, where my favorite gift was contained in a penny candy bag filled with nuts, an orange, an apple, and two chocolate covered cherries; to countless ones spent with my daughters.

But I decided to write the one I felt has impacted my wife, children and me more than any other.

For months, I had been dreading my 50^th birthday. 50? And on top of it, my daughter had just announced I was going to be a grandfather. Grandfather? What happened to the debonair young man who could fly a Frisbee halfway across a football field and do kip-ups to impress his adoring daughters? Gray hairs were sprouting. I was falling asleep at the drop of a hat . . . no, before the hat fell! What was happening to me?

Two weeks before that dreaded day, I had a physical. I left more dejected. High cholesterol. Zocor prescription in hand. I jumped into my red corvette and stomped on the gas petal, spinning clear of the doctor’s office. Heading back to work, I vowed I would get to my 50^th, telling anyone who would listen that I had gone 50 years without meds. I would remain in control as long as possible.

On the Friday before my birthday, my wife and youngest daughter announced they were taking me to dinner. Frankly, I wanted to go home, settle in my easy chair and be alone. But how do you tell two excited women that you wish they’d go alone? So I went.

They took me to a nice restaurant. It was way too crowded. Too many people dropped by with greetings. A lot of them worked for me, so I feigned warm greetings. Couldn’t they all see the sign on my forehead, “Middle aged crisis brewing! Beware!”

Halfway through dinner, I happened to look across the room and almost fell out of my chair. It was my two brothers and their wives.  My head couldn’t spin fast enough. I looked dead-on at my wife. “Tell me you haven’t planned anything for my birthday.”

From their adoring, excited looks I knew something was coming. And for one moment, I was furious. I felt deceived. Hadn’t I told them not to do this? Before I could chew into them, I saw my family moving my way, smiling broadly.

Everything I had been feeling brewed sour. The next day, the doorbell kept ringing. One daughter arrived from New York. The other from Chicago. My brothers called and asked me to meet them for lunch. I wanted to run, but instead, I acquiesced and went.

Finally my wife confessed there would be a small gathering. Small?  By 7pm, 125 guests had arrived. Despite how I was feeling, the evening proved wonderful. The roasting was kind, and I poured my humor out in rare form.

Afterwards, I realized how special the celebration had been:

1. Turning 50 didn’t hurt. In fact it was a blessing of love that still humbles me.
2. GE stock split 3 for 1, first time in my 27 year employment.
3. I made it to 50 without taking one ongoing medication.

Looking back, I realized that was a pivotal time, not just a half century birthday. It reminded me:

1. Life is short.

Dad and his first grand-daughter, Jackie

2. A grandchild was on the way. My legacy would go on.
3. The added stock value beefed up my savings to finalize my dream. Retirement.

And for the first time in my life, I embraced the fact that I had:

1. Missed the mark—leading an unbalanced life.
2. Missed out—not being available for precious moments.
3. Missed life—no time for anything beyond 7 to 7 work days.

More than anything in my life, I wanted to:

1. Spend more time with God.
2. Enjoy my family.
3. Give to others.

So in the end, and reflecting back today, I realize that my 50th birthday began a new venture in my life. A new beginning. A lot of blessings. One of the biggest gifts I’ve ever received. A triple whammy multiplied many times over because I’ve been present in love rather than being absent in guilt.

*****

As you age, what is your greatest gift?

The Gift of Yummy

Earlier this month I shared my great-grandmother's amazing banana bread recipe. Today, I want to share another yummy recipe from my mother, a 16 layer cake.

I've yet to try this recipe without Mom around, because it requires both skill and patience. When it comes to cooking, I'm a devoted recipe follower. I measure and re-measure, check and recheck. My mom is a "throw it in" lady. Sometimes trying to get a recipe out of her is madness. I have to watch, take careful notes, and try to ascertain what a "dollop" is.

This cake is delicious, gorgeous, and most importantly... equal parts cake and icing. Once you try it, you won't go back to regular cake. It's addictive.

Mom has gotten as many as 16 layers. I feel happy to get 12 to 13. My family is evenly split between chocolate and vanilla lovers, so we always have what I affectionately call the Jekyll and Hyde version to make everyone happy.

Since I've only made this with Mom, it's as much about the memories as the cake.

16 layer Cake
Preheat oven to 375 degrees

Duncan Hines Butter Recipe Cake Mix
6 large eggs
1 cup sour cream
1/3 cup vegetable oil
1/4 cup water
1/4 cup sugar

Mix all ingredients until well blended. Grease and flour cake pans. Use only enough batter, about 1/4 cup, to spread across pan. It will barely cover it!

Bake cake layers approximately 3 minutes. You want them to be shiny and not brown around the edges. Invert layers immediately onto wax paper. Continue baking layers until batter is used. you should get 14-16 layers from one box of cake mix.

Place cake layer on plate and spread approximately 1 tbsp of icing on a layer (you want it to be a thin coating), keep repeating until last layer is used. Use rest of icing to ice the sides and top of the cake.

Bonus: Mom's Icing
1 stick butter, melted
1/2 cup cocoa, sifted
1 box confectionery sugar, sifted
6 tbsp milk (scant more if icing becomes too dry)
sprinkle of salt
1 tsp vanilla extract

Mix in a glass bowl and microwave for two minutes. Stir.

If too thick, thin it with a bit more milk. Mom usually uses two batches of this icing recipe to ice her cake. I use store bought icing, so I'm fine. ;-)

Enjoy! Happy Holidays!

Smurfette and a Gold Frame

“Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.” Alexander Pope

At first this quote seems depressing. Who wants to go through life expecting nothing? After all, it's the Christmas season. I spend months in preparation just so December 25 is full of special memories and happy children and family. And, to quote Shakespeare, therein lies the rub.

I build up the holidays and birthdays so much in my mind, I'm often left with a lingering sense of disappointment. It's slight, but nagging. My children constantly hand me altered and re-prioritized lists, and I run around trying to make them happy. I send out 150 Christmas cards, bake cookies for neighbors, and give gifts to everyone from the mailman to the office staff at school.

One of my dearest friends shocked me in college... her parents didn't make a big deal out of birthdays. What? I was floored. Not make a big deal out of birthdays. I'd never heard of such a thing. But she always seemed happy on her birthday anyway. To this day, I try to do special things for her birthday.

I'll never forget one of my birthdays. We had just relocated to Wilmington, NC. As usual, we moved during the summer close to my August birthday. I remember sitting on some boxes opening gifts. Later that night, I cried in my room. My presents: a Smurfette and a gold frame. Mom consoled me, and reminded me I had asked for both of them.

For years, I used the Smurfette and gold frame as a tale of parents being out of touch and not caring about their teenager. Later it become a running joke in our family. Any bad gift was compared to my teenage travesty.

Now, as a mother myself, I realize my poor mom was in the middle of yet another move and probably went out of her way to find two of the items I had mentioned. In her stress and chaos, did she mistake a one-time statement about liking Smurfette as a gift request? Maybe. But now the Smurfette and gold frame no longer represent a bad gift. They represent a mom who loved me and was trying her best.

In the spirit of the perfect Christmas or birthday, I often create high expectations for my children and myself. Expectations none of us can live up to. It's virtually impossible to expect nothing from big events, but I am learning to downplay the idea of perfection and highlight the fun in trying my best.

Just the other day, we made a batch of cookies. They came out looking pathetic and flat, more like cookie pancakes. We laughed it off, got out every color sprinkle we could fun, beautified those babies, and ate them. Each of my girls said they were the best cookies ever. Were they? No, but the laughter sure did make them sweeter.

Wishing everyone a beautifully messy holiday, full of endearing mistakes and memories!

Funny aside: Sure enough my middle daughter asked for a Smurfette and frame for her birthday, so the picture is from her set. I got quite the chuckle out of buying it for her!

Better to Give or Receive: ROW80 Check In

Yesterday, BlogHer's NaBloPoMo asked:

Which do you enjoy more: receiving or giving?

Each time I give a gift, I receive a special reward. I receive that warm, fuzzy feeling of making someone happy. When I receive a gift, I give thanks. The two go hand in hand.

I won't lie. I love the anticipation of opening a package. Your senses take in all the data first. Package size, weight, who it's from. Then there's the shake test. Does something rattle? Sometimes the anticipation is as much or more fun than the gift itself.

On the flip side, the giver gets to enjoy someone opening a special gift. I appreciate when people call me to thank me for gifts received, but it's not the same as watching someone open a present. I really should get my children to open presents on Skype for our friends and family who can't be with us on Christmas.

The most special gift I've ever received (and I received it three times) required a lot of giving on my part. I've never anticipated a gift more than the births of my three beautiful daughters. Admittedly, the receiving was more enjoyable than the giving. Still, as soon as the doctor put my daughter in my arms, the labor was washed away. Or, maybe just dulled. When my preteen daughter gives me flak, I can remember the labor pretty intensely.

As an avid reader and writer, I love reading books as much as I love writing books. It's the same concept. With a book, the anticipation is examining the cover and reading the back summary. The story is a gift from the author. I equally enjoy being on the receiving and gifting end of books. Hearing a reader loved my book is as big a thrill as someone enjoying the sweater I gave them. And a handmade sweater at that.

What's more fun... watching people open gifts from you or opening your own gifts?

*****

A Round of Words in 80 Days Update

First of all, I'm truly grateful for the gift of ROW80. I am a better writer with all of your support and guidance.

Writing: More like brainstorming. Some writing (1,500 words), but more hours (5 hours). Switching between projects is still proving daunting for me. Hoping to get the hang of it soon. One novel is about to get to the meaty parts, so I think that's be easier. Two books in the beginning stages is draining.

Blogging: I'm having fun with blogging. Posting daily here and averaging at least three times a week on Mom in Love with Fiction.

Miscellaneous: There are so many great blogs and so little time. Still, I try to keep up. I'm looking forward to some down time over the holidays (I'm going to pretend I didn't hear sarcastic laughter. There has to be some down time coming soon!), and catching up.

Exercise: Much better. I actually ran one of my three miles yesterday while talking on the phone with my sister. I was pretty proud of my multitasking, until my breathing got a little heavier. All of the sudden my sister starts laughing and says, "Oh my God. Are you running?"

With the craziness of year-end and the season, how are my writer friends holding up?

The Gift of a Good Book: Shades of Gray, Alan Holloman

Today I'm passing on the gift of a good book and a great deal. As a mom, this book was particularly haunting, because it made me consider how far I would go for one of my children. It's a strong and believable motivator.

I hope you enjoy the review and book event information.

Happy Holidays!

*****

From Amazon:  How far would you go to save your child's life? Could you break the law? What if your travel business was suddenly in danger of going under because of 9/11? A single father decides to partner up with woman from the opposite side of the tracks. Can their partnership deliver the cash they BOTH desperately need? Could they fall in love? And will they survive to see the Summer of 2002?

Shades of Gray, the debut novel from Andy Holloman, examines the depths of a father’s love and the ramifications of desperate choices. John Manning and his daughter, Lucy, are driving home from a nice evening out when their car’s brakes malfunction. What initially seems like bad luck turns into a much darker story.

John hasn’t had it easy. When his wife leaves, his whole world revolves around Lucy. His successful business, a travel agency, is hit hard by the events of September 11, 2001. Then, he finds out his daughter has a rare kidney disease and will need a kidney transplant.

Desperation and fear drive John to extreme limits to save his daughter, especially after a fateful meeting with a former client, Wanda. Wanda loves her daughter and has found a way out of her own personal hell, a way paved with good intentions but criminal actions.

Every action draws the pair deeper into an intricate web of deceit and danger. The reader is compelled to turn each page, but not just to find out what happens next. There’s also an emotional connection to the characters. The twists and turns lead to an unexpected and heartbreaking conclusion.

Shades of a Gray is a must read for anyone who enjoys a captivating thrill ride with emotional investment.

Fun note: I’m from North Carolina, so I thoroughly enjoyed the North Carolina references throughout.

Rating: A very enthusiastic 5 stars.

For more information, please visit the author’swebsite.

Disclaimer: I received this novel as an ARC in exchange for an honest review. A good review was not guaranteed or asked for. My opinions are my own.

*****

What’s even better than a 5-star book? A 5-star book for 99 cents. December 13 through December 15, the WoMen’s Literary Café is hosting a Mystery & Christian Fiction Book Launch and 99 Cent Book Event featuring this novel and many others.  

For more information, please click the picture below.