Haiku Day!!

When Michelle Rafter of WordCount's Blogathon suggested we write haikus for our May 10th posting, I went straight to my mom. First of all, she's a poet, something I am not. Second, I always go to my mom when I'm in over my head, and a haiku definitely qualified. Thank you Mom for always being there.

Here's Mom's post . . .

There’s something about being a mother. Your children ask and you do somersaults to grant their wishes, even if it makes you look foolish. Then again, foolish isn’t so bad if it puts a smile on your daughter’s face or gets your granddaughter to giggle, is it? Here are two gimmicks I recently fell for.

Tia said, “Mom, let’s write a book.” Ten years later Depression Cookies was published.

Tia said, “Mom, please write a haiku.” This is my first and my last . . . so enjoy. 

Motherhood begins

No lessons or a manual

Just sheer off the cuff

Come to think of it, my grandmother would find haikus very frugal. Moderation was her philosophy on life. From my viewpoint, this poetic form goes beyond scrimping. It’s like buying the designer matching wallet without the purse. That’s wrong.



Mom and Tia 1973
(Psst . . . don't tell Mom I found this
old picture, much less posted it)



A Letter from my Daughter

My oldest daughter, Jackie, gave me the sweetest letter yesterday for Mother's Day. I had to share:

Dear Mom,

I love you so much. You are inspiring and a gift from Heaven. Thank you so much for always being there for me. As long as I remember, you have answered all my questions. No matter how disturbing the answer may be. I can’t believe you have such a variety of knowledge from mean girls to my body. I can’t believe God himself has sent me a present=you. You are the best mom anyone could ask for.

Love,

Jackie (will be 11 on 5/15/11)

This tear-inducing letter brought about the following prayer last night.

Dear Lord,

Let me always live up to these sweet words, and let her always believe I have a variety of knowledge instead of thinking I don’t know anything or I just don’t understand. Please give me the strength to raise her to leave me, to go out into a world which I both know and can’t possibly fathom.

May she know You and turn to You when I am gone. I want these for each of my daughters and so much more.

In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.

Happy Mother's Day: The Gifts of Mother & Daughter

Five Generations
(after my Great-Grandmother,
we are all first born women)

From Angela: As long as I’ve been writing, it never dawned on me that one day I’d be co-authoring a book with my daughter.  But I do remember thinking when she was thirteen that I’d write a mystery-turned-realism on how to smuggle your child onto a slow boat to China with a two way passage not to return until she was eighteen. Then when she hit eighteen, I envisioned writing an epic novel on how to keep her from going to college and losing everything we had worked so hard to plant in her head. It would have extended into the future, planning her life, naming her children, selecting her career and choosing her husband. None of this was to gain control of her life, but to protect her from harm’s way and getting hurt. I knew too well that life was hard. Why not save her the angst?

But I didn’t have to do any of that. Tia managed it all much better than I could have ever imagined. In fact, she has excelled in all areas of her life. All that mind-wrenching planning was unnecessary; she bloomed into her own unique woman.

When Tia approached me about writing a book told from both a mother and daughter’s perspective, I laughed out loud. But she planted a seed that over the next few conversations began to germinate and finally come to fruition.

Writing Depression Cookies with my daughter has been an honor. How many mothers can say they worked for ten years with their daughter on a project? But looking back over our writing venture, I remember the many times we laughed and cried. Sometimes I laughed so hard I couldn’t finish a sentence. There’s also been plenty of frustration to the point one or both of us were ready to abandon the project. But as it always is with us, when one was ready to throw in the towel, the other encouraged and we kept going.

We mothers always think we are the only ones imparting knowledge, but Tia taught me a lot during the process of writing with her−perseverance, insight and verb control. I never realized how much I wandered between the past, present and future. She has been a professional, reminding me to push my writing . . . unless I venture anywhere near sex. Suddenly the conversation was over. On that note, but don’t share it with her, if I wanted to get her goat while we were writing, I got very gifted at slipping in a love scene. Most of those ended up being eliminated . . . poor Bob!

On this Mother’s Day, I want to say how proud I am to be at the vantage point to watch Tia walk her life’s path, especially in motherhood. I think Abby’s life would have been less challenging if she had been birthed with your words and your inspiration. And if the tides were turned and I had written Krista’s, don’t you know that would be one messed up child!

****

From Tia: I was simply going to say, “Ditto.” Mom said it beautifully, as she always does. I was blessed with wonderful parents. My mother and father alternatively reined me in and let me fly. Moving all over the country growing up, sometimes all I had were my mom, dad and two sisters. Now, between the three of us, there are seven granddaughters. We are a family strong in women, for sure, but also strong in men. My dad and husband have to be strong, show leadership and love in equal amounts while surrounded by women. When Jackie was born, we had five generations on my mom’s side. How many kids these days get to take a five-generation picture? God has given me many gifts.

Mom gave me many things, but my love of reading and writing is the one I most treasure. She also taught me to pull for the underdog, have strong faith and believe in myself even when I thought I couldn’t or shouldn’t. She is my backbone. I can only hope to keep the female strength alive now with my own three daughters.

Writing a novel with Mom was icing on the cake. We started the novel when my first was six months old and finished it when my girls were 10, 8 and 5. It’s a journey I will never forget. At a recent mother-daughter speech Mom and I gave at NC State University, the moms were talking about mom-isms. Things like “money doesn’t grow on trees” and “I told you so.” All I could think of was the time my mom sat rocking back and forth on the edge of her bed, with her head in her hands, saying, “Good Lord, please don’t let me kill her.” I guess it’s true: what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.

I love you Mom.

Happy Mother's Day

One More Thank You by Angela Silverthorne

My mother died two years ago in April. A bit of me died then as well. It was the part where I couldn’t pick up the phone and say, “Guess what?” Or ask her advice. Or have lunch, recollecting funny childhood stunts and silliness. Or say, “I love you.” There was a hole in my chest without a name that ached . . . constantly.

Someone once said, “Women hold up half the sky.” My mother held the entire heaven with her pinky. She worked full-time and then came home to mounds of dirty laundry, whiny and hungry kids, a mother-in-law who lived next door, and a man who felt watching the television was an earned privilege.

I watched her run on empty. On rare occasions, I saw her staring dreamy-eyed out the window, and I wondered what she saw. Was she dreaming about the characters in the volumes of books she devoured? My mother was the only mother I saw read books, and she could read them on the fly. I’d never seen anyone so efficient at holding a book in one hand, a ladle in the other, nod as if listening to nagging children, and then laugh a gutsy laugh to the wind without seeming to mind all the turbulence around her.

I only saw my mother lose her temper twice. Both times it was directed at me. The last time I understood and did not repeat the offense. I never realized how efficient my mother could be at waling my cheek with a brush in ten seconds flat. She proved her point without the need for a repeat performance.

Mama often cried at old movies.  But, beyond that, I only saw her cry one other time. Mother stood with her feet firmly planted, defying every storm that assaulted her−until Daddy died. At the moment his soul released itself from his cancer-ridden body, my mother buried her head into his chest and wailed a heart-wrenching cry. I stood and watched like a voyeur not able to release my eyes from the misery of loss.

Two years ago in April I buried my mother. A part of me lies next to her empty body. The other parts continue on their path of living without her. Joy and love fill my days. Friends and family pull in tighter, not to fill the void, but to hold on not to fall apart. During Bible study, the Word reminds me that death was defeated at the cross and one day all believers will be together again. I understand. I believe. But I still want my Mama, one more time . . . just to say, “Thank you.”

Favorite Thing I Read this Week and Why: New Friday Feature

I'm so excited about our new Friday feature inspired by all the lovely folks at the Blogathon. Please check out some of the wonderful bloggers at Blogathon Blogroll.

As a writer and reader, I always read something memorable every week, so why not showcase it here?

This week my favorite is a poem by Tina Fey. It's perfect for heading into the Mother's Day weekend.

A Mother’s Prayer for Its Child by Tina Fey

“First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.

May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Beauty.

When the Crystal Meth is offered, may she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half And stick with Beer.

Guide her, protect her when crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock ‘N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.

Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance. Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes And not have to wear high heels. What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You, because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit.

May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.

Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen.Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, For childhood is short – a Tiger Flower blooming Magenta for one day – And adulthood is long and dry-humping in cars will wait.

O Lord, break the Internet forever, that she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.

And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister, Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, For I will not have that Shit. I will not have it.

And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back. “My mother did this for me once,” she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck. “My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental Note to call me. And she will forget. But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.

Amen.”

-Tina Fey

Humor is a key ingredient to raising children (and life in general in my opinion), and Tina Fey expertly illustrates this with her hilarious poem featured in her book Bossypants. We all want so much for our children, but sometimes too much of a good thing like texting, the internet, Facebook, beauty, money, etc. can destroy. Often in life the unanswered prayers are dearest.

Mom and I will be writing a blog post on Saturday, May 15 celebrating the idea of humor and wishes. We will each detail our prayer for Jackie, my oldest daughter and my mom's oldest grand-daughter. Please tune in.

Also, as a shout-out to my fellow Blogathon participants, I wanted to highlight the blog I've enjoyed the most this week (although it was VERY hard to choose). Please stop by and read Liz Sheffield's Motherlogue.

Happy Mother's Day to all!

What Not to Do During a Television Interview

Mom and I just taped our first television interview about our novel on Monday. There are several things we did right. First and foremost, we practiced over and over again the questions we were given and knew our answers cold. We also practiced in front of a mirror, painful but helpful. I seriously don't know how people do live television. Without this practice and knowing our questions beforehand, I would have puked for sure (see #4 below).

Still, there were several things we learned:

1. Don't Use Someone Else's Beauty Products

My mom has very coarse, dry hair while I have my Dad's thin, oily hair. So it should have dawned on me not to use her shampoo for dry hair the day before a television interview. It didn't. The next morning, I touched my hair and wondered why it felt so oily. I started to panic. I started styling, but the more I touched my hair, the greasier it felt. Mom's attempt at teasing, which could easily be listed as Mistake #1 all by itself, only made matters worse. I finally rewashed my hair with the "God awful soap the hotel gives you" as Mom said. We made it to the interview on time, and now I know to bring my own products. Stick with what you know works for you.

2. Don't Assume you Know Anything about Television Production

I did my research. I watched the show many times and noticed when the host was interviewing two people, the guest on the outer edge of the couch got the widescreen shots. Never would I want to be on the receiving end of a widescreen shot. So, I devised a plan to sit on the inside, and jokingly (well, not completely) told Mom I would run to the couch and tackle her if she attempted to get my coveted spot. She gracefully motioned me forward. I got my spot. However, little did I realize from the beautifully edited shots I viewed in the mornings, this spot was problematic. First, I had to ping-pong my head from the host to my mom when I wasn't speaking. Whiplash and awkward only beging to describe the sensation. Then, I realized I could see the camera man as he was frantically doing the "wrap it up signal" while Mom was facing away from him and blissfully unaware. So much for trying to be prepared.

3. Resist Green Room Goodies
(otherwise known as "Eat and Drink Something Before you Go to the Set")

The production staff was so nice. They led us to our green room and told us to please have some coffee, soda or pastries while we waited. We were starving. We didn't want to eat anything before in case our nerves decided to reject it. Still, Mom decided some pastry would calm the fear that her stomach would growl mid-taping. She bit into a nice chocolate pastry, and I immediately pointed out the remnants in her teeth. She fixed it. We went to makeup and then came back to wait. Now we were thirsty. Don't want to do an interview with dry mouth, right? Have you ever tried to drink from a water bottle without disturbing your professional makeup or dribbling on your pristine and carefully-chosen outfit? It's not easy.

4. Don't Text your Husband After with a Joke

Right after the taping, I wanted to text my husband to let him know how it went. I knew he was nervous for me, plus I owed him the courtesy after leaving him with our three kids for three days. I thought a humorous text immediately followed by a "JK" text would be fun. I should never underestimate how slow I text. Lord knows my daughter wouldn't. I texted him, "Mom and I did great after the producers cleaned up my puke." I couldn't even get in the "JK" before I received, "Come on. Oh no!" Then, just to make me feel worse, I lost my signal for a couple of minutes before I could finally let him off the hook. My kids better NEVER pull a trick like that on me.

In the end, have fun and trust yourself. And, if you feel you can't go it alone, definitely take your mom like I did.

We will have a link to our interview up soon, but in the meantime, go to http://www.thebalancingact.com/ and check out the show. Danielle Knox was our host, and she was lovely.

******

Tune in tomorrow for a new feature.

Every Friday we will feature the "Favorite Thing I Read This Week and Why." It could be anything from a magazine article to a novel or even something a child wrote. Check back tomorrow!

Writing Resources for the Serious Writer: Five I Use Consistently . . .

by Angela Silverthorne, aka Mom and co-author

I’ve been writing since I was a young girl. It was my favorite pastime. For me, writing and reading went together−one enhancing the other. As I became more serious about my work, I started looking for books and resources to help me grow stronger in my writing. Here are 5 books that I suggest you examine.

1. Writing in a Changing World  by five authors of the Screw Iowa! writers group is the newest in my group of favorites.  Damon, Graff, Romano, Small and Westemeier bring my theory on writing to the forefront. You can study all the books on writing you want, but the finale is searching out and finding the right community of writers for support, encouragement and critiquing. Writers use to think their craft needed to be done in isolation. It might work for some, but oftentimes the project would end in frustration or eventually abandoned. Finding a strong writers group will encourage you, but more than that, it will push you to write to your potential. The book highlights this and offers much more on improving your craft, troubleshooting, conflict resolution, critiquing in action and more.

2. Teaching English Creatively  by John H. Bushman is a classic. I still use this book to set the mood and tone for writing in a particular genre, i.e. young adult verses adult.

3. The Gregg Reference Manual  by William A. Sabin is an indispensable guide to style, grammar, usage and formatting. Some call this the “writing bible.” I certainly think it is an essential resource book.

4. Stein on Writing  by Sol Stein is a must. It is the fix it manual. If you want to know how to correct something flawed, how to improve your writing or create exciting pieces, invest in this book.

5. Techniques of the Selling Writer  by Dwight V. Swain is my latest find, and I am impressed. This book provides an elementary vernacular on background, insights, and specific procedures needed by all beginning writers. It’s the perfect book to learn more about character development, story revision and editing.